I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
