I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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