I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
