haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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