his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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