I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
