His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
