I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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