how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
