this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
