Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I will pee on everything he values.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
