im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
it's like heaven, but drunker
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
