At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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