Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
