Are we in a gay sports bar?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
