brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
