When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
