I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
