I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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