My underwear smells like fireworks.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
