this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
