i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
