Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
