i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
