I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
