I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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