I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
