I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
