Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
