Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
