just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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