I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
