ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
