dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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