"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
