His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
