Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My life is pants optional.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
