Kiss
Puke
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
