You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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