she looked like the bat from fern gully.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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