At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
