she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
