They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I want to have your abortion
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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