well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
