No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
