i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
