So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
