You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
