Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
