I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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