whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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