and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
